Yeah, I feel it, that dreadful anniversary of my angel's death, creeping up on me as usual, like a monster stalking its prey. I hope it won't be the nightmare it often is. Sometimes, the anticipation is worse than the actual day, itself. Mostly, I just pretend like it's not coming, ignoring it as it creeps every closer and then close my eyes as it sweeps over me in a wave.
I know some people celebrate the angelversary. We usually plan an outing, so we don't have to be home. I have no idea what we may plan for this time around because planning for it usually requires pondering it. And I prefer not to think at all about it. But too often, the word "June" comes with it an unpleasant feeling, that feeling of darkness coming at the end of the month.
There's nothing I can do about it, either. It's going to come, whether I think about it or not, whether I watch it come or not. There's no way around it because it's the nature of the beast. The best I can hope for is it won't be as painful as usual. As usual, we'll go somewhere. As usual, I'll trot out Alli's baby book at the end of the day. That's when I'll probably lose control and let myself feel it. In the meantime, I think I'll go back to not thinking about it until it can't be avoided and hope for the best.
