Someone Else's Angelversary

[We miss you, Gillaire.]

Three years ago, toward the end of October, my friend died of COVID. I'm fairly certain I blogged about it then. The other day, I realized we were coming upon her angelversary. My heart bled for her other friends and family, those who love and remember her fondly. She was so young, a little younger than I am now. She had always seemed so strong and resilient. She went through so much, including the loss of both of her beloved parents, legal trouble, housing situations, and so much more. It seemed like she would always be around. 

[How I met Gillaire.]

Just under two decades ago, I went into my master's program and was embraced with open arms to a group of friends, including the man who would become my husband. At the heart of that group of friends was Gillaire. She was a firecracker, full of zest for life and love. She loved everyone around her. Other people came and went from that group, but Gillaire was always a constant. 

[Cali and Gillaire, a matched set.]

Then, that group of friends moved onto other locations. We stayed in touch as much as we could. Gillaire even came to live with us a couple of times when she wasn't able to find somewhere else. She made our times together fun. That second time she stayed with us, she brought with her a dog for whom she lived. During that time, we worked together on a picture book, "Cali the Silly Frenchie Goes for a Walk." The stunning photography in it was hers. She loved photography, and this book showcased that. As her angelversary crept up on us, I redid that book so as to showcase her photography better. For a few days, you can see a copy for free if you click that link. We had also planned to put together more Cali books but never did. With the permission of her sister, I also put together a set of three books, including the one above, all about Cali, Cali the Silly Frenchie Collection. That, too, is free for now. Afterward, any proceeds will be offered to her sister. 

[Remembering Gillaire.]

I made a point to get a copy of it to both her sister and her beloved roommate. I was most of all thinking of them as I put these together, as well as of all the people who loved her. It seemed like the only thing I could do to pay tribute to my friend who was so steady and so loyal to everyone who loved her, plus this blog. There were so many. So many who feel her loss even these three years later. Shen she left us, she left a hole in all of our lives. I know she's back with her parents. I know she'll hold Cali again. In the meantime, Cali happily stays with that beloved roommate and seems happy. I'm so thankful I got to have Gillaire in my life. If you know her, feel free to comment here to remember her. 

Mourning in Many Flavors

[Moving--source]

My best buddy of 30 years moved near me recently with her children. It's been fun. But it's also been hard to watch her whole family go through mourning. They probably haven't thought of it as such because of society's very narrow view of mourning. Most people think of mourning as coping with death, their own impending death or someone else's, often coping a death that has already passed. 

[Flavors of Mourning--source]

But there are so many other flavors of mourning and grief. If your expectations and hopes are yanked from you, your life as you know it fundamentally changed (by choice or otherwise), you will often go through a grieving process. You still have to process the changes, which often comes with deep pain. But because the people around you don't see it, many times, you feel like you're feeling wrong, that you are suffering for no reason. Anyone who has undergone loss deserves acknowledgment and empathy if they need it. 

[Joy Shatters-source]

My buddy's marriage is on the rocks. She had expectations of a future together, and she's facing loss of her expectations and hopes. Her kids, meanwhile, are reeling with the loss of their friends, their comfortable life, their home of 13 years, their peace, nearness to their father. But the situation is such that none of them really have a choice. And that's hard. One of them embraces and celebrates the change. This, too, is a valid response. But the others are struggling more. All they knew before is just cut off. And there is a deep sense of mourning for all that was. 

[Support-source]

What can I do? It's not my loss. Really, it's a gain because we've been strategizing on how to live closer together most of the years we've known each other. But I can feel their pain, show empathy. When I was younger, we moved a lot. I have nothing but empathy for this kind of loss of everything, all friends, all comfort from before. I can be their friend while they seek new friends. I can be there for them and pray for them. There's always something an outsider can do for those who have lost.