Early in the week, my family was playing Apples to Apples. It's a fun, harmless game we've often played. But when the word "funeral" came up, my heart stopped feeling so light. I've discovered that word, alone, is a trigger. All I have to do is hear it in an unexpected context, and the tears start coming. Ever since we buried my father-in-law, my baby, and my brother all within a few months of each other, and I had to give a speech for the last two, I've sworn off all non-mandatory funerals. Unless I MUST go due to close friendship or family relationship, I'm NOT going. I can't. If the word alone is a trigger, imagine what the thing, itself, will do.
Well, this week, a close friend of mine died. I remember well the days we'd chat about family and life in general. She babysat my kids since my boy was almost exactly the same age and shared the same NICU in the same hospital when they were new. I saw her kids grow to adulthood or nearly so. But one day, they found out the end had begun. She had two brain tumors that grew and grew, taking this communication major's ability to speak, then her ability to walk, then made her what is colloquially called a vegetable, where she could scarcely respond to anyone. I watched her family bear this burden with quiet dignity. All I could do was hug her every time I saw her, and I'd get one of her sweet, angelic smiles in return.
After she passed on, I saw her superhero of a husband, who'd carried her and taken care of her through all of this, smile because she'd gone to a place she could be free of the burden of her body. The family will miss their wife and mother, but losing her will allow them more flexibility, more life, more of a future. That can sometimes happen, that mix of pain and joy when the loss is a blessing. On that last day they had together, her husband read her valentines made for her by the members of the community who loved her. She left with the words of love of so many ringing in her ears.
For this friend, Camille, I will face my least favorite word, that horrible trigger word "funeral." Just thinking about going brings the tears. But supporting the family is worth it. They're angels among us for their sacrifices for her. And the wonderful Camille deserves all the respect and love her send-off will bring. It helps knowing this is not goodbye forever but "See you later, dear Camille."
