But when I'm tempted to fall into that pit, I come back to gratitude, the key to happiness. At one point, I could focus only one what I did not have. I would dwell on the frustration of a body that refuses to make any more live babies. I would dwell on the ultrasounds when they would point out the dark silence and say those dreaded words, "There is no heartbeat." Or my arms would ache for a warm bundle that is not there anymore and will not be there until the Lord comes again.
But then I have to remember I am grateful that I do have warm bodies to fill the spaces: my husband, my kids, my pets when the others aren't here. I remember my pain calls me on an important mission to help others with theirs through my writing. I remember that my angel is never far away, busy but ready and willing to be there when I need her, not visible but still present. I remember my physical blessings, my talents, my joys, my faith in Heavenly Father and His Son. Often when I am down, I hear a story of someone else's hardships, which reminds me that there are worse places to be. But also that my pain calls on me to be empathetic to others who are also in pain. The Lord has given me so much that I can usually remember and be grateful for that part rather than exist in the pain of what I don't have.
