My sister and I used to be good friends. We went through so much together. I was kind of a mother figure when I was a teenager since my parents mostly left the seven of us to raise each other. I helped her get back into church when she was feeling lost as an older teen. We became good friends when we were roommates in a house full of young women.
I was in the room for the birth of her firstborn. She came to stay with me when one of my kids was born. Her daughter became my daughter's best friend, and they would look forward to visits when they would come here, or we would go to Wyoming.
Then, they moved to the area. We bought a trailer for them to live in while we worked to find land for them to build a house. We visited each other frequently and watched each others' kids. We'd have holidays together. We were close, or I thought.
Then, we built them a house to buy from us. That's when things went downhill, from a friendship to a usership. And that was the beginning of the end. After a dramatic and traumatic last year or so, we don't even talk anymore. My child has lost a friend. I have lost one of my best friends, a steady friend from the time I was seven. Plus, I was close to all three of her kids. Now, they have been trained to want nothing to do with me. I alluded to this last year. At the time, I talked about how she nuked her family, called in the officials, and that things had just begun. Now, those things are pretty much over, and it's more or less torn our clan apart. And it still hurts.
Any loss can be hard. Whether or not it involves death, it can still lead to legitimate mourning. A loss like this sticks with you, changes you, changes your conception of self. Sometimes, people find it liberating to simply hear that their loss is a kind of grief. That they can mourn for their loss. Anyone who has had a major loss should be respected and not dismissed. It can be the loss of a friend, a family member, a home, even a set of expectations. It's a loss that rocks your world and makes you rethink everything. It makes everything harder. For instance, I like to help people, but it's hard to want to do so when helping can result in loss. Every time someone comes to me to ask for help, this loss comes to mind and makes me hesitate. And this loss reminds me of losses from the past.
Loss of whatever sort is hard. But there is peace. We can find peace in other people, in friendship, in therapy, in meditation. I have frequently sought peace in faith, through prayer and scripture study. I know true peace comes from the Lord. Just let yourself grieve a loss like this. Don't force yourself or anyone else into a certain definition or time limit. Just give yourself and others time and space to work through their loss. I'd love to hear your stories of loss below.
