Reminders of Mortality

 

[Cancer-source]

A woman I know, Tami Wickham, died of cancer, leaving behind her daughter and husband. I've seen her around for most of the last 13 years, including before I moved to my current home. I was never close with her, so I mourn for others, not for me. She found out about the cancer one month and was gone the next. I was working during the funeral, so I didn't make it. But I wanted to, if only to support others. I don't like funerals because of too many of my family's at once. It has become a trigger. But I would have gone if I could have. 

[Mourning-source]

Meanwhile, I visited a friend who was deeply mourning this lady. She felt the loss deeply because she truly knows the family. It feels like I've missed an opportunity by not trying hard to reach out, even when I knew death was coming. This friend of mine wept for the family who lost their loved one and also for the loss of her friend. Today, I have been surrounded by mourners. It makes me sad, but I still feel untouched. The fact that I don't feel it makes me realize I truly missed out on a real friend. 

[Loss-source]

Things like this remind me that today is all we have. We hope there will be a tomorrow, but there may not be for us and everyone we know and love. It's a cliche, but it's still true that tomorrow is not promised. Life seems so much more fragile when you've gotten beyond the fiction of "It couldn't happen to me." Loss can happen to any of us at any time. 

Even faith isn't an impenetrable shield. It means we trust God to guide us and help us in our lives, no matter what happens to us. He's not a light switch that stops the darkness from hitting us. It means we know He'll be there for us in the storm, not that there will be no storm. He's an umbrella that shields our hearts from the worst of the pain and comforts us when things are at their darkest. I'm thankful to have faith and hope in eternity. But I also know pain is part of life. And sometimes, it's part of the plan for us, part of what we need to help us grow into the person we need to be. I know it was part of mine. And I've grown a lot through the process, for which I'm grateful. 

How has loss touched your life? I'd love to hear from you. 

Facing the Holidays

[Family]

Here we go again.  Is it just me, or does it feel like we had the holiday season just happened a week ago?  Maybe two.  As usual, the melancholy creeps on as I consider who is and who isn't here.  I consider my two beautiful and intelligent children I can still hold.  I reach out for my husband, and he's there.  My sister moved next door just recently, so I even have extended family nearby.  I have a home, good jobs, gifts and talents to share, fluffy animals to love.  I'm so blessed. 

[Christmas]

Yet, as the holidays creep on, the hole in my reality is almost palpable.  I've lived nine Christmases, ten if you count the one before she filled my arms, without my angel and not one with.  I never got the anticipated first Christmas or second or third.  As the blessings build up under the tree, as loved one pull closer, it's still hard to hear singing about babies and angels and not think of my angel baby.  I know I'm not alone.  Holidays tend to be hard on those in mourning, no matter whom they have lost.  The presence of everyone else somehow amplifies the sense of absence.

[Baby]

Yet, Thanksgiving is for giving thanks for what and whom we still have, for the gift of time we did get with our loved ones, no matter how short that time was.  It's a time for a spirit of gratitude, even for our challenges.  Christmas is for celebrating the One who overcame death and sin, so we could one day live together as families forever, so we can one day be reunited and never parted again.  Why is it then so hard, hurt so much?  It's part of mortality.  I'll try to celebrate Thanksgiving, giving thanks for my angel.  I'll start my angel jar, the gift we give our angel every year.  It's a jar of slips listing the gifts and service we as a family offer to others.  We will celebrate the holidays as we have and celebrate the gift of our angel and all she does for us.