Mourning with Children that Mourn

When my baby died, my remaining children struggled in their own way.  It's easy for a mother or father to forget they're not alone in their pain.  But children feel it, too.  They were fairly young at the time.  My boy had a hard time sleeping or staying asleep.  He was afraid of sleeping in his own bed. We had to get him a new one.  My girl didn't want to talk about it, but she was hurting.  She'd had a really strong bond with Alamanda.  She told us her sister was coming before we knew we were pregnant.  She knew details of the accident that took Alamanda that we didn't tell her because her angel sister did.  We got them into a counselor.  Time went on.  My boy doesn't like to talk about death but seems mostly fine.  He's more distressed when I talk about it because I'm distressed.  He tries to comfort me by bringing me water or hugging me.  

My girl, however, still aches.  But she really really doesn't want to talk about it, even though she still struggles through any story or movie in which there is a separation or death.  I learned a few techniques about how to help her from experts and from looking at this website.  I learned from experts that one can have children draw how mourning feels and talk about their drawings.  In general, I learned the power of a child's art to help them through.  We're looking at other options to help her.  

The point is that children need permission to mourn, too.  Children need to know it's okay to hurt inside.  It's okay to talk about, write about, draw about their pain.  It's okay to pray together and ask for peace and healing. Every child is different.  And parents aren't always equipped to know what to do.  It's okay for parents to consult with those who know more, to reach out for help.   We need to help them know we're aware of them, that we acknowledge their emotions, and that their emotions matter as much as an adult's does.  Healing can come for them as much as it can come for adults.