Happy Mother's Day?

Mother's Day reminds me of those I cannot hold.  Mother's Day is supposed to be a day to celebrate motherhood.  But that day can be complicated by so many things.  Some people have lost their mothers, so Mother's Day is a reminder of loss and emptiness.  The same is true for those who have lost a child.  A mom can have 15 children and still have a rough time on Mother's Day because of the one she cannot hold.  That's where I am today.

I love the children I can hold, but I'm feeling the ache of today more than on most such holidays. A really good book I read on the topic is Josie Kilpack's Unsung Lullaby.  It's about a couple who wants nothing so much as to hold one of their own children and yet who face nothing but hardship and pain when it comes to bringing one into this world.  Mother's Day is a hard day for them because of it.  I think a lot of people can identify with that.  

I wish I could call Mother's Day a time of joy, but I can't.  I can still hug my mom, which is great.  And I've brought live children into this world.  I still have two I can hold.  But I have a fleet of angels, Allie and those I never got to hold, whose losses haunt me today.  It does not help that my brother, my best friend all through childhood, died on Mother's Day.  It does not matter when Mother's Day falls.  It will always be, for me, the anniversary of his death and a time of mourning.  

Tomorrow, I will feel nothing but gratitude for my children, my mom, all the many things with which I am blessed.  Tomorrow, I will remind myself that families are forever, and I will hold all of my angel babies and my brother again.  But today, I will feel the loss, allow myself to mourn, and look forward to better days.