Anyone who has lost can tell you holiday seasons are hard. You tend to feel the absence of the one you have lost more than most times. We haven't gotten very deeply into the holiday season, but so far, this doesn't seem as bad as some of the other seasons. It doesn't seem as painful. Maybe it's because I'm busier than most times. Maybe it's because other events going on in my life or the world make my pain seem small by comparison. It's hard to say why. I just hope my pain stays this muted for the whole season.
As I have done for previous years, I will seek out opportunities to serve. But I feel less compelled to do so for my sake. I'm not having to bury myself in service to survive. The things I do this year are for others and for others alone. I will still write down services we as a family do and put them in a jar as a gift for my angels to be opened Christmas morning. Alli and the other angels are still part of the family and always will be. I'm not sure what's different about this year, or if the emotion hasn't stricken yet. I guess we'll see. In the meantime, I will continue to search for ways to make others' season just a bit brighter as I go about my own
