I find that as our angel's birthday and death date/angelversary approach, I become more fragile to triggers. I found a poem my sister-in-law wrote to my baby, one I don't look at because of the way it sets me off. And, of course, it set me off because Alli's birthday is less than a month away. I heard of someone else's angel's birthday coming, and I cried for that person's loss and for my loss as well. And just talking about the songs I've emotionally attached to my angel got me crying. Josh Groban's "A Breath Away" is not one I can hear without crying. I mentioned Evanescence's "My Immortal" in conversation the other day and broke out in tears.
Last year, Alli's birthday was a fairly happy one. We had an angel food cake for her and looked at her pictures. We threw her a party and invited her cousins. It was a good day. But it's not always so. I can hope it will be like that. But I know I've already stepped foot in the emotional landmine time that is the month before her birthday, and I never know how things will go.
