I'm trying to avoid thoughts of my angel's birthday, less than a month away. It doesn't help that I'll be throwing my girl's birthday on that date. It's hard now to plan one without thoughts of the other slinking through. When we looked at the calendar before my angel came and got excited that their birthdays would be so close together, we had vague plans of princess parties for two. Now, one is a day of death. One is a day to celebrate life. I prefer it when they don't converge, but with only three days between them, it's almost inevitable that an eclipse will happen sometimes.
Last year, I remember my angel's birthday hit me even harder than her angelversary. Some years, it's not half as bad. I never can tell in advance because I can't predict how I'll react. At least we'll be together as a family and busy. That sometimes helps to make the day less arduous. Sometimes, the stress can make the day that much worse.
She would have been eight March 2nd. For LDS people, that date is significant because it's when a child can get baptized. Significant dates --preschool entry time, what would have been entrance into or graduation from kindergarten, etc.--tend to be just a little bit harder because they remind us what we're not able to do for our child. So far, I've just felt vague twinges and had the occasional thought about that rapidly approaching day. I know those feelings will come faster and closer together as the day approaches, kind of like contractions only more hollow, less hopeful.
I know it is what it is. Like every other calendar day, that anniversary will come. It doesn't help to dwell on things I can't change. I just wish sometimes that I could skip over that day.
