I survived another angelversary. The worst part was the day before when EVERYTHING hurt. Every other thought hurt because every other thought was about her and about my loss. The day of, we were so busy between visiting her grave, running errands, going to the temple, playing with cousins, and so many other things that I scarcely thought about the day at all. So it didn't hurt as much as usual.
But I wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Surviving with less pain is good, right? But did I do her justice on her day? Does doing a lost one justice mean we have to hurt all day for him/her? That's a hard one. We remembered her by going to the temple and visiting her grave but missed going through her book because we were so busy. Was it enough?
I know she wants me to be happy. I know she hurts with my pain. Mourning is an individual experience, so only I can decide if I'm doing it right. But is there such a thing as "right" and "wrong" or is it just about remembering the lost one whether we are in pain over it or not? I know that healing is about hurting less over the memories. Does that mean I'm healing or blocking out the emotions? I don't think there's an easy answer for that.
