I know how to handle my angel's birthday: we throw her a party with an angel food cake. We make her presents. We go to the LDS temple. I can (sometimes) handle it with some good grace. But there's nothing lovely or inspiring about the anniversary of her death. There's no way to feel or be in a way that won't hurt. The day is a landmine. I just know in advance that it will hurt, and no amount of bracing will help. As I've said before, most days, I'm fine. Most days, I can handle loss. I don't have to think about loss all day every day. I just miss her, and that's part of my life.
But on the death day, the scar tissue/bandage are yanked off, and the wound is exposed. The lightest touch will hurt. I know it will. It's part of how these days work. The day comes, and it feels like no time has passed.
Other than a temple trip, the only thing that we consistently do from year to year is to pull out her picture book to open the wound because it will happen whether or not we plan for it. If we as a family plan a set time to open her book, we also plan a set time where we can cry and let the emotions flow. And at least once a year, that's okay. It's simply part of mourning.
