One of the things trauma and loss gives one is empathy. Those who have not gone through serious, life-changing loss can sympathize, can reach out, can truly care. But to really empathize, one really has to have been there.
I went to hear a presentation given by a woman whose child was taken hostage--along with the entire school--by a man and his wife just over thirty years ago in Cokeville, Wyoming. This story was recently retold through the movie "Cokeville Miracle," which I highly recommend. This is trauma. After this mother presented her story of trauma as she faced the very real probability of losing her three children who were in that school, I went up to her and gave her empathy. I did not go through the same situation, but I did go through trauma that threatened my family and/or members of my family. We both had experiences of miracles involving angels protecting the family. There was a time I would have found her story interesting. Now, I see her story as a deeply personal one, something with which I could connect on multiple levels.
I'm not saying that most people want to suffer trauma and loss. But after I heard her story, and she heard mine, we left as sisters in trauma. We made an empathy connection I could have had with her no other way than through experience. After moments like that, I feel thankful not as much for the trauma and loss itself but for the growth I've undergone as a consequence of life experience that allows me the empathy I may otherwise lack. Loss is hard but the consequences and results aren't always bad.
